A Mad Man's Perspective
by Karaoke-Kitten
Summary: The Hatter's point of view during Alice and Wonderland. lol I dont own the movie OR the plot!
1. Her Arrival

**Me: Alice, will you do the disclaimer?**

**Alice: Of course. Camy does not own Alice in Wonderland.**

**Me: Thank you.**

**HPOV**

I woke to the sound of Hare stuttering, only to look up and see _her_. She was Alice. She had to be. Why else did she glow with beauty and courage? I walked across the top of the table to see her. I knelt before her.

"It's you." I said.

"No it's not. Mc Twist brought us the wrong Alice!" Mally cried. Stupid dormouse.

"It's the wrong Alice!" March Hare screamed. _No it's not. _

"It's absolutely Alice. You're absolutely Alice. I'd know you anywhere." I turned back to the others. "I'd know him anywhere." They giggled. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up onto the table. "Well, as you can see we're still having tea. And it's all because I was obliged to kill time waiting for your return. You're terribly late you know. Naughty. Well anyway, time became quite offended and stopped altogether. Not a tick ever since." She sat down.

"Time can be funny in dreams." she said. Dreams?

"Yes, yes, of course. But you're back now, you see, and we need to get on with the Frabjous Day."

"Frabjous Day!" Mally and Hare cheered.

"I've been investigating things that begin with the letter 'M'" I told Alice I leaned a little closer and lowered my voice to a whisper. "Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?" We all screamed in outlandish.

"_Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!" _I covered my mouth, surprised at my own outburst.

"What?" Alice asked.

"Down with the bloody big head, the bloody big head being the Red Queen." Chessur said boredly while absentmindedly stirring his tea.

"Come, come. We simply must commence with the slaying and such. Therefore, it is high time to forgive and forget or forget and forgive whichever comes first or is, in any case, most convenient." I pulled out a pocket watch. "I'm waiting."

"Hey." Hare laughed, pulling out his own watch. "It's tick-tick… ticking again."

"All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea." Chessur said. Something in the way he said that made my blood boil.

"Ah. The entire world is falling to ruin and poor Chessur's off his tea." I said irritably.

"What happened that day was not my fault." Oh no he didn't.

I inhaled sharply. "Oh dear." I heard Hare murmur as I stood.

"You ran out on them to save your own skin, you _guddler's scuttish pilgar lickering shukm juggling sulking urpal bar lom muck egg brimni!"_

"Hatter!" Mally's voice snapped me out of my strange state. I forced my voice to as normal a level as possible.

"Thank you." I croaked. I heard Hare meow at my outburst but I could care less. "I'm fine."

"What's wrong with you Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party. You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend." I smiled slightly at the memory.

"Futter what?" Alice asked.

"Futterwacken!" Hare yelled, hitting a spoon.

"It's a dance." Molly explained.

I walked toward my seat. "On the Frabjous day, when the White Queen once again wears the crown, on that day, I shall Futterwacken… vigorously." They laughed and cheered, until we heard a horse neigh.

**Uh oh... REVIEW! :)**


	2. Stayne

"Oh no." Hare said.

"Uh-oh." Chessur sang.

"The Knave." Mally gasped, gripping a spoon.

"Goodbye." Chessur disappeared.

"Drink this quickly." I said forcing Alice to drink the shrinking potion. She coughed and shrank. I stuffed her into a teapot. I pulled it into my lap and covered the spout with my hand. Bayard sniffed the ground as the Red Knight came up to us.

"Well if it's not my favorite trio of lunatics."

"Would you like to join us?" Mally asked. He snickered, as if the idea amused him.

"You're all late for tea!" March Hare exclaimed, throwing a teacup that the Red Knight just barely dodged. Poo. It would have been nice for him to have another scar.

"We're looking for the girl called Alice." _You're looking for a punch in the face._

"Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we used to sing in her honor." I said.

"_Twinkle, twinkle little bat,_

_How I wonder where you're at._

_Up a-" _I was cut off by Stayne's arm around my neck.

"If you're hiding her, you'll lose your heads." He said.

"Already lost them." I said hoarsely. Might as well go down my way. "All together now!"

"_Up above the world so high,_

_Like a tea tray in the sky._

_Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle…"_

They continued the twinkles as Bayard approached my lap, where I held the teapot. _Think, Hatter, think…_

"_Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!" _I whispered. He turned and ran off in the other direction.

"Follow the bloodhound." He told the knights, like Hare wasn't trying to ask him if he wanted anything. "You're all mad." _What was your first clue?_

"Thanks very much." March Hare said happily. Stayne threw his cup on the ground.

I waited till he was gone, then sighed in relief. I open the teapot, then remembered Alice did not fit in her clothes. "Oh! Pardon." I pulled out a little strip of cloth and made a small dress. I slipped it inside. "Try this on for size." I waited till she knocked on the top of the teapot to open it again. The dress was odd, but fit her nicely. "Uh… I like it." I said with a smile.

"It's a good thing the bloodhound is one of us, or you'd be…" Mally said, drawing a finger across her neck to make a point.

"What do they want with me?" Alice asked. She sounded so helpless.

"Best take her to the White Queen. She'll be safe there. Spoon…." Hare said. I'll admit, he had his moments. I took off my hat and sat it next to Alice.

"Your carriage, Milady." I said.

"The hat?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course, anyone can go by horse or rail, but the absolute best way to travel is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?"

"Oh, I love traveling by hat." Mally exclaimed.

"Mally. Just Alice, please. Fairfarren all." I put on my hat, Alice sitting on the edge, and set off. I found myself reciting a rhyme I knew.

**That forgien languge was Outlandish. LOL love it i shall UD soon.**


	3. Forest

**Here he comes… CREEPY HATTER!**

"_'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe." _I said.

"Sorry, what was that?" Alice asked, dropping onto my shoulder. I turned my head to look at her.

"What was what?" I asked, accent thick. She shrugged. I turned my head forward again.

"_The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame, Jaws that bait and claws that catch, Beware the Jabberwock, my son, The frumious Bandersnatch He took his vorpal sword in hand The vorpal blade went snicker-snack He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back."_ I looked at her.

"Its all about you, you know."

"I'm not slaying anything. I don't slay, so put it out of your mind." I froze. Did I still have a mind to put it out of?

"...Mind?" Wait a second! The Red Queen constantly kills for no good reason and she against slaying _one creature_! Unbelievable! I put her down on a log and kept walking. No use keeping her if she won't do anything.

"Wait!" She called. _Nope. _"You can't leave me here!" _Watch me._ I spun around.

"You don't slay? Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done? _You don't slay."_

"I couldn't if I wanted to." Who was she? I walked up to her and crouched down to her level.

"You're not the same as you were before. You were much more... muchier. You've lost your muchness." I said.

"My "muchness"?" she asked. I pointed to her chest.

"In there." I said.

"Tell me what Red Queen has done." _Oh no…_

"It's not a pretty story." I said.

"Tell me anyway." I looked up and scanned the burned area. Memory after memory flooded back to me.

"It was here." I said quietly. "I was hatter to the White Queen at the time. Hightopp clan have always been employed at court." I proceed to get sucked into the memory. I wasn't sure if I had been telling the story or not. A voice pulled me out of it though.

"Hatter? Hatter!" Alice called.

"I'm fine." I rasped.

"Are you?" she asked. There it was! The question I've been waiting for! Barking interrupted my thoughts.

**CLIFFHANGER! 3**

**Oh and in the 1****st**** chapter when he says "You ran out on them to save your own skin" it means the day of the attack you had to go through Chess's forest and instead of stopping them or warning anyone he just evaporated. **


	4. The Hatter's Idea

**I am so sorry it took so long but I have to slow down the scenes to catch all the dialogue but I will be updating a lot more lately cause the movie has very few Hatter scenes after this! Okay, now that my rant is over, enjoy the story!**

"Did you hear something? I thought I heard something." The barking sounded again. "Oh! Red Knight!"

I started to run, but they were so close. I dove behind a tree as they ran past me. I ran to the river then took off my hat and set Alice on it. I told her where to go and threw the hat.

"Downal wyth the Bloody Behg Hid!" I yelled. The knights surrounded me and I bowed gracefully. The captured me and began the trip to the Red Queen's castle. They put me in the dungeon. The next day someone came and got me.

"Time to see the Queen." They took me toward her throne and I got on my knees, not looking at the queen. Instead, I looked to her right, to see Alice. But she was _huge_. Then the queen spoke.

"We know Alice has returned to Underland. Do you know where she is?" _As a matter of fact, she's right next to you._

"I've been considering things that begin with the letter M." I said. "Moron, mutiny, murder…m…" I struggled to find a word. "Malice."

"We're looking for an 'A' word now." _You are an A word… _"Where. Is. Alice!" _Well if you turn your head just a little bit…_

"Who, that wee little boy?" I chuckled darkly. "I wouldn't know."

"What if I take of your head? Would you know then?" Nope. I'd be dead. I laughed at the stupidity of the idea. "Stop that." Suddenly I had an idea.

"What a regrettably large head you have." I watched her look up slightly at the comment. "I would very much like to hat it."

"Hat it?" _Yes, it's where you give me fabric, and I make a pretty hat for your ugly head._

"Yes." I slowly rose as I continued my plan. "I used to hat the White Queen, you know. Wasn't much to work with, poor dear. Her head is so small." She was buying it, I could read it in her face. Alice just seemed too wonder what the heck I was thinking.

"It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head." Yes! I got her! Just keep playing with comments about her head size and it _will_ work!

"But this…" I started to walk up the steps slowly and the guards shifted to attack if necessary. "What I could do with this monument, this orb… Nay, this magnificently heroic _globe_." Her head tilted slightly.

"What could you do?" Game, set, match. Score one for Hatter. I held out my chains, showing I needed them off to make a hat. "Unbind him, Stayne." He gave her a look of disbelief. "How can he work if his hands are bound?" She asked/yelled. In one quick motion, Stayne drew his sword and cut me free of both chains. I smiled.

"Well then," I started to walk forward, curving around the back of the chair. "Shall it be a bonnet or a boater? Or something for the boudoir? Cloche, dunce hat, death cap, coif, snood, barboosh, pugree, yarmulke, cockle hat, porkpie, tam o'shanter, billycock, bicorne, ticorne, bandeau, bongrace, fan-tail, night cap, Garibaldi, fez-"

"Hatter." Alice cut me off. My rant had been getting faster and faster to where I hadn't been paying attention.

"…Fez." I choked out. The Red Queen look around.

"Leave us." She said. She gave me a small smile, and I grinned. I had won.

**How was that? Well, I will UD ASAP because the next chapter is him working and think and Alice bringing him the hat. Review if you liked it, review if you want more, review if the penguins want you to, any reason, REVIEW! **

**Arigato,**

**Camy.**


	5. Am I Mad?

They led me back to a small room filled with fabrics and such for making hats. I set to work immediately, happy to be working at my trade once more. After what could have been seconds or days, Alice came in. I smiled at her before leaning over the table again.

"They're wonderful." She said. "You must let me try one on." I grinned, turning the crank on a sewing machine.

"It is good to be working at my trade again." I admitted. I turned around and gave her a smile. She smiled back and I turned back to my work.

"It's just a pity you have to make them for her." I froze. Yes it was. What was I doing? I loved making hats, yes, but for _her? _No, I would not do it. "What is the hatter with me?" No, there was no hatter in a man making hats for just any reason. I loved making them, but not who I was making them for. I couldn't do it. "…Hatter?" I stood up and walked across the room, knocking things over, destroying anything I could. I know it was childish, but no one would make the Red Queen any hats on my watch.

"Hatter!" Alice grabbed my wrist, spinning me around. She clamped her hands down on either side of my face. I instantly stopped moving.

"Have you any idea why a rave is like a writing desk?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject. Little voices screamed in my head, and suddenly the room felt full. "I'm frightened Alice. I don't like it in here it's terribly crowded." The look on her face brought a new question to my mind. "Have I gone mad?" She moved a hand to my forehead.

"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers." Real comforting. "But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are." I smiled. She removed her hands from my face and bent down to get something. She came back up holding my hat. How did I miss that? "Here." She put it back on my head and smiled. "That's better. You look yourself again." Suddenly I heard the Red Queen call me. _Crap. _"I'm told she keeps the Vorpal sword hidden in the castle. The rabbit will help you. Find it, Alice. Take it to the White Queen."

"We'll go to the White Queen together." I smiled slightly at her persistency.

"Why is it you always too small or too tall?" I asked. She smiled. **(Time for my own imagination to kick in…)**

"I haven't the faintest." She replied. I grinned, but quickly went back into serious mode.

"You should go before they come in here. Find the sword. Hurry Alice." She nodded, then surprised me. She gave me a hug.

"I _will_ come get you." She said. I smiled slightly as she walked out of the room. Now to fix this mess…

**So… How'd you like it?**

**Alice: I liked it. **

**Hatter: So did I.**

**Rose: I didn't.**

**Me: This isn't your story! Get out! **

**Rose: You let Iambi in here!**

**Iambi: It's true.**

**Me: That's different. Iambi is a deer.**

**Iambi: So?**

**Rose: Yeah what's that got to do with anything?**

**Me: Also Iambi is mine, while you are Rachel's.**

**Dimitri: No…. Rose isn't Rachel's. Rose is mine. **

**Me: You both belong to Rachel Mead!**

**Dimitri: Why?**

**Me: Because she wrote VA idiots!**

**Rose and Dimitri: Oh...**

**Me: Yeah… Now can you get out of my story!**

**Rose: Nah we're good.**

**Me: *facepalm***


	6. He Did What?

I placed the next hat on top of the Red Queen's head.

"No." she said. I frowned and tossed it aside. The White Queen liked my hats.

"You look stunning in that hat." Some man said.

"Yes. Next." I placed a hat on her head that completely covered her face.

"Your majesty has never looked better." I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Hmm. Another." As I placed the next one on her head the nose of the woman next to me fell off.

"Ew." I gagged. I leaned over. "I don't wish to alarm you, but it smells as though you've dropped something." I pointed to the fake nose on the floor. She bent down to get it, and I looked around. Everything that the Red Queen let them in to her court because of was fake. I began to laugh.

"Never mind him, he's mad. Come along." The Red Queen said. I bent down for the next hat and heard a woman whisper something in the Queen's ear. I listened.

"I just saw the Knave having Um pushed up against the wall, if you get what I'm saying." My grip on the hat tightened. He did _what?_

**Yeah, yeah, I know it's short, and kind of a cliffie, but review anyway please!**

**Rose: Yeah, review!**

**Me: Not you again!**

**Alice: This isn't your story.**

**Iambi: You need to leave.**

**Rose: Never!**

**Me: Okay, if that's the way you wanna play it, I'll write a ChristianXRose story tomorrow.**

**Rose: Leaving! **

**Me: I thought so.**


	7. Epic Battle with a hint of fluff

**OMG! I am SO sorry! I totally forgot about this story! You can thank ****x-Gigi-x for the fact that this story got an update! THANK YOU! If you had not reviewed, I would not have remembered. **

**And because he is awesome, I am letting Axel do the disclaimer. (Kingdom Hearts, if you don't get it)**

**Axel: Camz does not own AIW, me, or the plot, just Hatter's thoughts. Got it memorized?**

**Camy: *sniff* Yes…**

**Axel: Can I leave?**

**Camy: NO! You killed Zexy and there for will be punished! *summons Tear Jerker* ENJOY THE STORY!**

Of course, when Her Royal Pain summoned Stayne, we were all kicked out.

I wanted to see his head cut off.

Heck, I wanted to cut his head off _myself._

I paced about the little room as much as my chains would let me. _She can get the Vorpal sword. She can slay the Jabberwocky. She can take care of herself. But… can I calm down enough to let her?_

I froze and pondered that thought. Could I? What usually snapped me out of it? My name, right? I closed my eyes and sat down, picturing Mally calling my name at tea to snap me out of madness.

_Hatter? Hatter? Hatter? "Hatter?"_

I blinked. Did I just hear her for real? Or am I just that good? I didn't want to surrender to insanity, so I went with _just that good_.

_Hatter? Hatter! Hatter! _

"Hatter! For goodness sakes I know I'm hard to see but I know you can hear me!" Mallymkin cried. I blinked again and looked down at her.

"Mally! Good god I have gone crazy." I rubbed my temples, but Mally only laughed.

"It's really me you twit!" She laughed. "Now to get you out of here…" She stuck her sword into the lock and began to pick it. Suddenly I heard a different voice.

"Stand back Mallymkin." NO! You can only use the Vorpal sword to defeat the- UGH! Why am I not saying this out loud right about now!

Alice raised the Vorpal sword behind her head. She said something about muchness, but I was to busy trying to stop her.

"No!" Ah, FINALLY! The mouth works! "It mustn't be used for anything-" I didn't get to finish as the doors flew open to reveal…

The devil himself. Stayne. The scum screamed at his knights to arrest… someone. I wasn't paying attention. Apparently, neither was he. Did he NOT notice she HAS THE FRIKIN VORPAL SWORD! Jeez. He's stupider than we thought.

"Take it to the White Queen." I said to Alice as I passed her. You're gonna die Stayne. This will be fun.

"I'm not leaving without you!" She yelled. In any other situation, I would have rolled my eyes. I yelled at her to go, but she only shifted. She stood silently by the window as I grabbed fabric strips and hauled them at the guards to get them out of the way. I threw a hat, which he chopped in half without even blinking. _Show off. _I reached for a corset, but the chain blocked me. After a moment's strain, it either broke or someone freed me. I didn't know which, and I didn't care. Either way, I got the corset and used it as a sort of shield from Stayne's sword. He soon had me pushed against a desk, so I reached behind me and grabbed a little power… thing. After a few hits with it, Stayne was backing up and the corset went flying in another direction. I grabbed a perfume bottle and, in an excellent show of talent, climbed a chair and tipped it to where I was blocking Stayne's sword and had the perfume right by his good eye, when I heard Mally shout.

"RUN!" She yelled. "Alice!"

Note to self: Kill Mallymkin in her sleep.

The realization hit Stayne as I gaped at Mally. I managed a small yell of "RUN" to Alice, and thankfully she listened. Stayne looked back at me and sprayed perfume in his eye, but the epicness of the battle was long since gone. He merely shoved me aside and him and his guards (along with several new ones) ran after Alice. I looked up off the floor slowly and gave Mallymkin the famous Hightopp death glare.

"You just had to _speak,_ didn't you?"

**And it's done. I will UD as much as possible now that I remember this story. **

**Also, I will put a link on my profile that has a picture of Tear Jerker, mentioned in the AN above. **

**Love you all, XOXO, **

**CAMY**


	8. AN

**OMG…**

**Long hiatus much?**

**Alright…I will be deleting this author's note as soon as the next chapter is written but I wanted to get a note out to my followers and favorite-ers. **_**(I love you guys, by the way!)**_

**Anyway, I need to ask you guys to go to my profile and vote on the poll as to whether I should write, re-write, or continue stories. **

**LOVES FOR EVERYONE!  
CAM**


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